Targets, targets, targets

[auntie_nicky]

I once worked in this fashion design house (OK it's a posh term for a knicker factory), where we had various cash bonus schemes. Most of them were unbelievable. One of the worst was when we were given 9,000 pairs of knickers - to get our ten-quid bonus we had to label all 9,000 pairs between the three of us in one working day. I never want to see a knicker label ever again. Has anybody had similar stupid bonus schemes?

Yer not werking fer Mike Baldwin are ye?

The bonus at our company is this:

If the company makes a 40% profit for the year, then YOU get a bonus, it's not based on personal achievements AT ALL.

So I can do a project, get it in on time, or (god forbid) before time, but if say the translation costs more than was estimated and the project goes over-budget we don't get a bonus. It's all money-based in this place...

I had a boss once called Fran who gave us really stupid targets in this holiday job I was doing (packing envelopes with shite). He would give us pep talks in which he would ramble on and on. During one particularly long discourse he said, "You all know I'm a man of few words."

I replied: "Yep, but you keep the ones you do know awfully busy."