Orgasms

[John F Kennedy]

This is for blokes (as we already know the answer for women):

Have you ever faked an orgasm?

[Stottle]

Yeah, but it involved chucking a mixture of flour, water and salt all over her stomach and tits. I think she realised.

[John F Kennedy]

Why did you have it handy?

[Viscount]

I have once, I was pissed but not quite as far as brewers droop, it was brewers - I could not get the bugger down..!

[Stottle]

Viscount - That's not called brewers, it's called viagra!!!

[John F Kennedy]

Viscount, you got bored, right?

[Viscount]

Yep... http://www.p45.net/rant/NonCGI/wink.gif

[John F Kennedy]

Did she notice?

[Viscount]

Well she did not say anything ... but she never did say much apart from the occasional BAAA..!

[Elimare]

you cannot imagine how illuminating this is...

[Joefuz]

I'm sure we can Eli, we just don't want to.

[John F Kennedy]

"Ewe" must be joking! That was a "sheep" shot.

[Joefuz]

That was bad JFK.
Now where's me sniper rifle gotten to?

[This message has been edited by Joefuz (edited 21 October 1999).]

[John F Kennedy]

Sorry, that one just slipped out. I'll be as meek as a little lamb from now on.

[John F Kennedy]

But anyway, the reason why I posted the intital question was that a friend of mine (female) refuses to accept that men sometimes, due to mitigating or extenuating circumstances, fake orgasm

[Viscount]

I am sorry if you wanted intelluctual converstaion Eli, but you are outta luck there, Sheep Shaging is always a popular topic.

[John F Kennedy]

Viscount, you had to "ram" the sheep shagging aspect back in, didn't you?

[This message has been edited by John F Kennedy (edited 21 October 1999).]

[Viscount]

In my defence it all happened so quickly, I will now shut up about sheep.

[Joefuz]

This is just getting sad. I'm off to find intelligent discussion elsewhere.

[Joefuz]

OK, intelligent conversation is just a myth.
What was that about sheep?

[Bigjoe]

Fake a Orgasm!!! I have faked a whole fucking relationship.

[Elimare]

Vis, 'intellectual conversation on these discussion boards' is bit of an oxy-moron...

it's just a bit of an eye-opener as you lot (ie. men) are renowned for your reticence...

[John F Kennedy]

Our reticence to do what exactly, Elimare....? I would imagine that most men who post on this board are Nineties men, and would do anything.

[This message has been edited by John F Kennedy (edited 21 October 1999).]

[Joefuz]

This was always going to be a topical one...

[Elimare]

Well fer instance yer replies to 'which would you live without?' are you telling me if you were sat in a pub with yer mates you'd give the same answers?

[John F Kennedy]

Absolutely. I have enlightened mates. And matettes. As is said in BT's ads, "it's good to talk"

[This message has been edited by John F Kennedy (edited 21 October 1999).]

[Joefuz]

If I was in the pub with me mates, we wouldn't have been on such enlighted subjects. It would be more like "Who would you rather screw, Dannii or Kylie" or something like that.

[John F Kennedy]

Kylie

[Joefuz]

I prefer Dannii meself, even if she is engaged to Jacque "I'm going bald and I'm not even thirty so I'll dye it purple" Villeneuve.

[This message has been edited by Joefuz (edited 21 October 1999).]

[John F Kennedy]

Thats a prety weird middle name, isn't it?

[Joefuz]

Yeah, it is, that's why Murray Wlaker always calls him "Villneuve". You see, there's logic to everything.

[Elimare]

boys, boys, boys...charming after-lunch discussion, but here's a question for ye...

we all know the various reasons that women fake it and won't waste anymore space talking about it... But why do blokes fake it?

[4ofUs]

maybe sometimes they want it over as fast as us women (just not having a good enough time)

[Joefuz]

I hope no one is looking at me for an intelligent response to that.
Oh, and why do women fake it? I mustn't have been here when that was discussed.

[4ofUs]

Well, to be perfectly honest faking is just a polite way of ending a rather dull, humdrum encounter. And depending on how long/how many times you've been going at it that night sometimes you begin to hurt. Still other times, everything can be just right but for some dumb reason you never quite reach that peak & you realize that you're not going to.

But that's just what my girl friends tell me.

[Joefuz]

OK, fair enough.
And your girlfriend tells you this?
That's another thing. Why do women always go to the jacks in groups? Never understood that.

[This message has been edited by Joefuz (edited 21 October 1999).]

[4ofUs]

Well, I'm no lesbian so it's my female friends that discuss this. Never faked it myself......... (ok, maybe once or twice with the ex boyfriend)

[This message has been edited by 4ofUs (edited 21 October 1999).]

[Joefuz]

Aha. Curiouser and curiouser...

[4ofUs]

To answer your other question, there are only 2 reasons I can fathom:

1) I want to discuss someone in the group that we're out with (or that person is within hearing distance). Particularly if it's of the male species.

2) caught off guard during a certain time of the month. We don't need to discuss this any further.

Otherwise, I've no feckin clue.

[This message has been edited by 4ofUs (edited 21 October 1999).]

[Joefuz]

Aha. It's almost scary the amount of knowledge I have gained of the opposite sex today.
And blokes don't need to head of to the jacks to hold discussions. It's like that Bass ad on ITV. Girl telling bloke she fancies his friend. Bloke yells across bar "DO you fancy Michelle or what?!?!"

[gib]

If you girls are bored doing it with your selected man, why do it in the first place??? Also, why do womens sex-drive change so much? Is it a sort of womans thing???? Please explain....

[Elimare]

you could ask the same of the men Gib...

if yer bored why do it in the first place?

[4ofUs]

Gib, all I can say is that sometimes it starts off great, but then goes downhill. Fast. And sometimes you have sex with your bloke just because he wants to & you want him to be happy (although, I've found you're better off using other means, such as oral, to get him off if this is the case).

Now, as for the libido, I guess everyone is just different. But most of it is hormonal. But some of us always have a healthy sex drive.

[Bigjoe]

Q) Why do women take longer to have an Orgasm then men.

A) Who gives a fuck.

[Bigjoe]

Q) What did the woman say after a multiple orgasm?

a) Thanks Bigjoe

[John F Kennedy]

Men fake it because
a) They have already "finished", but are too afraid to tell their partner (in case she starts crying/throws things at you/vows never to have sex with you again, so they just row with whatever is happening.
b) As my learned colleague 4ofUs pointed out, "faking is just a polite way of ending a rather dull, humdrum encounter", and you want to go home/to sleep/down the pub
c) They want to impress their mates in the next room

[This message has been edited by John F Kennedy (edited 21 October 1999).]

[This message has been edited by John F Kennedy (edited 21 October 1999).]

[Joefuz]

Sounds about right to me JFK.

[Elimare]

you forgot the fourth one John...

*You've spent the afternoon shagging the secretary and you just don't have the energy for it again.

[Viscount]

You would not want to shag my secretary.

[John F Kennedy]

Nor mine. And I am deadly serious about this. She has the sex appeal of botulism. And the resemblence doesn't end there, either.

[Joefuz]

I don't have a secretary. In fact, I'm in the engineering department (in which there are 50 or 60 people) and there are only 3 women. Damn engineering.

[John F Kennedy]

It was like that in college. 160 people, 10 females, and the jury was out on a few of them, come to mention it.

[Viscount]

Where are all the sexy secretaries that have become the sterotypical image of clerical staff..?

Big thought for the day..!

[Elimare]

alright, alright!!! sheeesh...

secretary\receptionist\bit-on-the-side, whatever ye want to call her...

[John F Kennedy]

Elimare, your generosity knows no bounds. (And I bet that's not all that knows no bounds!)What is the www. bit for the secretary site?

[This message has been edited by John F Kennedy (edited 21 October 1999).]

[Joefuz]

There were 35 of us on my course. on the first yearof the course, there were five girls. After that, there were 3 girls, the two good looking ones having dropped out (one to have a kid).

[Viscount]

So Eli, I hear that you can make a damm sexy cup of tea, can you type as well?


Sorry.

[This message has been edited by Viscount (edited 21 October 1999).]

[Elimare]

better than you Vis... (And I'm on a french keyboard) http://www.p45.net/rant/NonCGI/smile.gif

[John F Kennedy]

Viscount, do you want to get into a bidding war for Elimares skills?

[John F Kennedy]

Aaaaahhhh, French!

[Viscount]

You got me on that one.

[Viscount]

She can make me a cup of tea and burn my toast any time.

[John F Kennedy]

If she does that, she's already ahead of my secretary in abilities

[Viscount]

I am afraid of mine, I am only allowed to play on her computer when she is not here, like now.

She is in tomorrow, so I think that I may not be allowed to come out and play.

[Elimare]

It's a little bit hard; everything is updside-down and backwards...

[gib]

Looks like your flavour of the week again Eli, all you have to do is talk about Sex and they all want ya.....lads she could be rotten....(no offence Eli....) http://www.p45.net/rant/NonCGI/smile.gif..!

[Viscount]

Eli..what exactly is a little bit hard, upside down and backwards..?

[rufus]

i faked it once. i was in a field. she didn't seem to mind. just said baaa and went off to eat some grass

[Viscount]

Do you mean the keyboard....sorry I had lost the plot for a sec http://www.p45.net/rant/NonCGI/smile.gif

[Elimare]

none taken gib; after all you could be that horrible oul bloke that sat on me on the bus this morning...

[shaggy]

Back to the main item on the agenda - if yez are wearing many kinds of johnny it can get quite hard (ooops pun) to see what's happening in there anyway whether you've arrived or not

[gib]

Absolutely Eli, actually I remember getting the 15B going through Rathmines and laughing at all the people outside the swimming pool that could never get a bus....you wouldnt be of of those people now would you?

Back to sex, ladies, tell me, do you like it rough and lashed in like a mad thing or time taken and a lot of foreplay? Or does it depend on how drunk you are at the time....

[This message has been edited by gib (edited 21 October 1999).]

[Joefuz]

Oh, getting touchy now people.

Not in that way ya dirty minded wee gobshite!
So, Eli, yer keyboard is actually French, or some daft get specified it as being French when he was installing Windoze?

[John F Kennedy]

Especially if you flick it away like an elastic band immediately after the deed (or non-deed)

[Elimare]

surely you'd know shaggy?? oh, you mean *her*...

and yes vis, I did mean the keyboard http://www.p45.net/rant/NonCGI/smile.gif

[Viscount]

Ahh now, c'mon give the girl some credit Joey. http://www.p45.net/rant/NonCGI/smile.gif

[Viscount]

I have used an American keyboard keyboard and ended up shouting at the thing, espically as I just type without really looking at the thing.

[Joefuz]

I said some daft git! I didn't mean Eli!

[Elimare]

gib; no I wasn't down at the swimming pool (I was at the stop before it...lol)

joey; *I* installed windoze and it's supposed to be a french system otherwise it voids the testing...

[Viscount]

Has it got all those funny symbols on the keyboard..?

[John F Kennedy]

Viscount, they are called "letters"

[Viscount]

Really, is that where I have been going wrong all this time.?

[Joefuz]

OK so, fair enough. You aren't a daft get then. So was your comp brand spanking new, or did you get a second hand lump that had someones old post-it's stuck to it like me?
Do you wish to format C drive? Yeah, that's a test of courage.
Are you sure you want to format C drive?
Are you REALLY sure?
Really REALLY sure?
Hope you made backups mate.
Scary the first time.

[John F Kennedy]

Gib, I think the general preference is for copious amounts of foreplay (areas not specified), but sometimes they like it rough and lashed in like a mad thing. However, and this is the tricky bit, THEY DON'T FECKEN TELL YOU.

[gib]

Eli - At the shop - ahhhh poor you...!...Everyone looks so bored.... http://www.p45.net/rant/NonCGI/smile.gif

Joey - You can change the keyboard layout in control panel - doesnt matter what you choose during installation....

Any, shag this computer talk, back to sex...hehehehe........

Can I ask a serious q for a sec....how soon after going out with someone on average should you do the dirty deed????.....Just wondering if its the same as what I think.....

[John F Kennedy]

That night, if you are on the same wavelength

[John F Kennedy]

Of course, I probably should let one of the female members answer. But the sluts will give a different answer from the non-sluts.

[Elimare]

nope, English keyboard; but french setup, so a is exchanged with q, z with w; etc...

we change operating systems not physical keyboards...

and gib, it depends...

[Elimare]

errr, that answer was for your first question...foreplay v no foreplay...

[John F Kennedy]

Elimare, is this analagous to sex, where the woman is far behind the man in terms the general progression of things? (I know I'll have to explain this)

[This message has been edited by John F Kennedy (edited 21 October 1999).]

[Joefuz]

Oh right. Have you now.
I need to go and lie down. If the phones rings again, I'll be under the desk.

[Viscount]

Hate to ask a personal question Eli, but what is it that you do that needs you keyboard switched to French, or any other language for that matter?

I am sorry to those who may already know this answer but I don't OK..?

[Elimare]

ehh no John, to use one of Mary's phrases, it depends on how horny I am http://www.p45.net/rant/NonCGI/smile.gif

[Bigjoe]

I'm dyslexic. Spent about 3 hours last night looking for my girlfriends W spot.

[Viscount]

...CRASH...

[Viscount]

Sorry that was me just falling of my chair

[gib]

Good luck - you'll need more than a map to find that triangular bastid.....

[John F Kennedy]

I'm convinced they remove them and put them in their purses, because there are days when you JUST CAN'T FIND THEM

[Joefuz]

Can they not just tell us where it is? Would make life alot easier...

[Elimare]

Vis, I work in software localisation, which is all very boring, so I won't bore you with the details here.

[gib]

Can we all come to your piss up Eli when they kick you out next week....!... http://www.p45.net/rant/NonCGI/smile.gif

[Joefuz]

I'm going to a piss up tonight as a few people I used to work with here have left. So, anyone in Galway, follow the noise and join in.

[Viscount]

And I thought that European Information was boring, no offence Eli, I will call you when I can't get to sleep sometime.

With regards to finding a certain part of the female anatomy, the words gently does it always spring to mind http://www.p45.net/rant/NonCGI/wink.gif

[John F Kennedy]

Joefuz, no they can't. No. That is impossible. No, they can't do that.

[Joefuz]

That's a no then? OK so.
Ah dear. The world of network administration would be like a circus to you then Eli. Never a boring minute in it.

[Elimare]

no prob Vis, I read about my job when I've got insomnia; works a treat.

joey, yer in MIS?? no wonder you have time to doss so much. I've never met an IS person who wasn't wandering the corridors doing nothing. (MIS; Man Is Strolling)
anyway most of the time I have to sort my own problems out.

[Joefuz]

MIS? This is a new one on me.
Net. sys. admin. is as short as we dare to go.
I'm not the only one doing this here. there are two of us (I'm the junior member of the team). I do very little, and the other bloke does loads, and occasionally has me do things. Whenever someone has to go around to ALL the computers in the department to individually run a Y2K check or what have you lucky me gets to do it. Good way to meet people I suppose.
Except I knew them all already.

[This message has been edited by Joefuz (edited 21 October 1999).]

[Joefuz]

When you say IS, do you mean Internet Security? I was at that for 3 months before this. Then the thing was sold so I came here.

[gib]

oh god....Joe, or Joey, you're showing your age my man...dont know what MIS is? How old are ya - 20ish?

[Bigjoe]

I'm a network systems administrator. Fucked if I know what it means but it looks cool on the business card. I used to be a technical support specialist with another company. Same shit, different job, different title.

[Elimare]

no joey; Information Systems... you know the bloke who comes round when some eejit has deleted their network settings. etc.

getting back to the other subject; sure and aren't you 90's lads supposed to know all about it, without us having to tell you?

[Joefuz]

Yes, I'm 20 something.
And that isn't what my job is at all. Most of it is cabling GIGA switches and upgrading and maintaining the network, and occasionally creating new user accounts. The going round to people is just to make sure they do what we tell them. Cos it might take them four months to change somethign if we sent an email round, so we have to go round individually and stand over them to make sure they do it.

[John F Kennedy]

Elimare, very valid point, but a little help goes a long way, and you must admit it can be hard to find. After all, men are only trying to enhance the entire experience.

[This message has been edited by John F Kennedy (edited 21 October 1999).]

[Viscount]

Well I have not got a clue what MIS means, but saying thatI don't work in computers.

But as a 90's man I have got ot agree with Eli about ..ahem.. you know.

[John F Kennedy]

Viscount, where did you learn?

[Viscount]

To be quite honest, I do not know if I am doing it right, but judging by the reaction, I must be pushing the right buttons http://www.p45.net/rant/NonCGI/wink.gif

[gib]

There should be a sign saying "G Sort right here", end of story....if you can be arsed in trying to look of course.....

[Viscount]

Well ladies and gents, so ends another hard day of work work work as a member of the EU.

I will now leave you to continue this discussion in my absence as I go home to humble abode, and then from there out somewhere.

I wish you a good night and an enjoyable evening and I hope that we shall meet again in the not to distant future.

[Elimare]

you on drugs this afternoon Vis? what's with the polite goodbyes?

[John F Kennedy]

He is on a promise

[Joefuz]

I think I want to head butt my keyboard, but I might just be really tired, and the keyboard is starting to look like a comfortable place to set me head down on.

g kjmn8i6vfbk geimnjk38ikcd bv

Ah! comfy.

[gib]

hehehe, ahh sure its nearly Friday and boy am I gonna get ratarsed tomorrow night...Im heading over the other side of the city to Tamango's.....hmmmm....mightened see me on Monday...actually outside Tamangos is a beach for those of you that dont know, and there is supposed to be a lot of activity on after the club is over down at the beach if you know what I mean....heheh.....for pervs that is........

[Joefuz]

Monday's a bank holiday. I'll be home in bed.

[John F Kennedy]

Is that "Tomangos, where the gang goes"?

[gib]

eh, dont know about that JFK, only 2nd time there....some nice chicks though....(the others have mustaches.....!)

[gib]

everyones gone home - boo hoo.....

[This message has been edited by gib (edited 21 October 1999).]

[gib]

Is there seriously any way though that us guys can fake it....once you blow your load, shes gonna see it all over her....If you dont let it rip then you be strolling around with a stalker for ages - she'll cop somethings up....literally....!

[Joefuz]

I wouldn't think so.

[John F Kennedy]

We'll come back to the difference between "all over her" and "inside her" at a later date, but as regards the stalker-you-could-hang-a-wet-dufflecoat-on, just say you have astounding powers of recovery.

[Elimare]

It is yeah John, apparently on the 'Grab-a-Grannie' scale it's right up there beside Annabelle's...

[John F Kennedy]

Oh God, Annabelles! So sad. So so sad. Just like (Sad) Sachs Hotel. File under "Meat Markets we have known"

[Joefuz]

What kind of places do you lot frequent? Do you not have normal pubs over there or something?

[gib]

Tamangoes where the gang goes, is the sorta place that the women dance around their handbags....The women woman would rop ya blind...."here luv, buy us a drink will ya...?".....eh no......

[Joefuz]

Aha. Well, I won't go there next time I'm in Dublin.

[Derf]

Damn right I used to fake orgasms. I used to go out with this woman 13 years older than me, who had just discovered a prodigious sexual appetite in her 30s and went at it like a steamhammer. Honestly, she could go at it for hours, and had orgasms like I'd never seen before (including ejaculating like a fire hose). Now, I like to think of meself as having a wee bit of stamina, and being pretty enthusiastic between the sheets, but after a couple of hours of banging, fingering, slurping, and whatever else she fancied after we got back from the pub, I'd be desperate for some kip. Trouble is, when I'm pissed I don't experience droop, but instead the lack of sensitivity means that I stay hard for ages and couldn't come even if I were being blown by Julia Roberts. So my girlfriend, sweet thing that she was, would satisfy herself for a couple of hours, then try to get me to come, so the only way I could get any friggin' sleep was to fake it. I never told her, of course, as I didn't want to hurt her feelings, and I still feel guilty about it to this day.

Ok, confession over - I'm off to say my 3 Hail Marys and an Our Father now.

[John F Kennedy]

Hah!I KNEW I wasn't the only one.

[This message has been edited by John F Kennedy (edited 22 October 1999).]

[4ofUs]

Careful there, you might get accused of being a male slut. MONTY is quite judgemental, you know.

[This message has been edited by 4ofUs (edited 22 October 1999).]

[John F Kennedy]

I somehow think I shall not be the object of his attention. And as for the slut comment, I usually want dinner and a movie first.

[John F Kennedy]

I say usually but......

[John F Kennedy]

This is depressing. I am the only one here, and there isn't even any P45 interaction to take my mind from work (in as much as it ever was on it).

[fish]

this is very sad - ask men about their orgasms and they talk about fucking keyboards (not literally but seems they might as well.

[randy bugger]

Faked a whole fucking relationship? I faked a whole mother fucking marriage!!!!!! Got to go Gail Porter is here.

[Newguy]

I knew she was cheating on me!!!!

[John F Kennedy]

Apart from the football topic, everyone is a very late starter today.

[Viscount]

It does seem a bit quiet today, would you lot still be having an extra bank holiday..? Some of us did not have the pleasure yesterday.

[Joefuz]

D'oh!

[Viscount]

Morning Joey

[Joefuz]

What about ye, Vis?

[John F Kennedy]

Howya, lads. How were your weekends?

[Viscount]

I am on good form this morning, just a little bit cold.

Does any one want a poster about the euro..?

[Elimare]

Is this what it's come to? (no pun intended)

[Joefuz]

Not a bad weekend, it has to be said, though somehow, we all landed at this place that had a George Micheal impersonator on. He wasn't bad though, I suppose.

[John F Kennedy]

You always have to bring things back to the base level, Elimare. Is this now carte blanche to be as rude as we want to be?

[Viscount]

I was just asking, I was sent 500 of the buggers yesterday and I need ways to get rid of them.

They are very big and very glossy, about the size of a desk..!

[Elimare]

all I meant to say was that discussing the Euro isn't exactly riveting tuesday morning conversation is it? (Sorry Viscount)

[Joefuz]

It's the Tuesday after a bank holiday, what did you expect Eli?
Oh, question for you Eli. Clean one this time.
What did I do to get a mention in the acknowledgements on the 5 O'clock shadow?

[John F Kennedy]

No thanks, Viscount. However are there anyother glossy photos or posters going?

[Viscount]

Sorry JFK, the euro is the flavour of the month in this office, I might be able to find one on the Agriculture Policy,but I would not recommend it.

Any one fancy commin gto a free euro seminar tomorrow..? With Lunch Thrown in..?

[Elimare]

no idea joey, you'll have to ask one of the lads...

[John F Kennedy]

I think I've been at a few of those in Brussels. Is it basically a big jolly, where you eat and drink lots and listen to some crap about the good things the commission does for Europe?

[John F Kennedy]

At the risk of this turning into a general information topic and not one on orgasms, Eli, I thought you weren't in work this week?

[Joefuz]

Busaras, Eli?
And it's the 29th she finishes JFK, is it not , Eli?

[gib]

Shes in robbin the place blind when no-ones around JFK.....Eli, get us something... http://www.p45.net/rant/NonCGI/smile.gif

[Joefuz]

Yeah, I need some new pens, and am too lazy to go to the supply office to fill ut the 7 forms necessary to get a Bic ball point.

[John F Kennedy]

Put me down for a stapler.And now is the perfect time to photocopy your arse.

[Elimare]

You don't think I actually know how to use this err, computer-thingummie do you? I leave that to the far more intelligent boys.

[Joefuz]

Seriously though Eli, what do you do? (Yes, curiousity killed the cat, but I'm not a cat. Incedently, that reminds me of my super's desk calender. It's a Far Side by Gary Larson one, and earlier this month there was a cartoon on it about that.)

[Elimare]

We've been through this before haven't we Joey? and everyone decided that it was all far too boring to explain?

[gib]

Eli's a farmer everyone....

[Joefuz]

Did we??????????? I mustn't have been here that day!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(This message comes with 12% more ????? and !!!! FREE OF CHARGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

[This message has been edited by Joefuz (edited 26 October 1999).]

[Elimare]

How'd you guess Gib? Yup, a goat farmer to be exact...

[gib]

What about the sheep????.....actually coming home from a club in the country on Sat night, me and my mates starting chasing the cows......what the *&%$???....thats what vodka and red bull does to ya folks.....so anyway you were saying about the sheep Eli....(changing the subject....)

[Elimare]

I wasn't.

[Joefuz]

Are you all originally from some culchie part of the country or something? Are you from Kerry??????
What's the fixation with farm yard animals all about?

[Elimare]

Dublin born and bred Joey; Bar the few years I spent on a goat farm in Nova Scotia; and the other few years I spent in Toronto.

[John F Kennedy]

This is complete evasion on the part of Elimare. Your honour, I ask that the witness be directed to answer the question. What do you do?

[John F Kennedy]

Also, Gib, have you ever gone cow-tipping?

[John F Kennedy]

There was a report in the news this morning stating that women will have Viagra within 3 years. I thought they had it already. It's called jewelry.

[Elimare]

Your Honour I wish to take the fifth on the basis that the consequences of my reply could send the jury into a downward spiral of depression resulting in terminal (no pun intended) boredom.

[Joefuz]

Goat farming? Are you taking the piss?
I'm bored already. Anything you say, can't and won't be taken down and used to make me go to sleep.

[Elimare]

not a bit Joey, we lived in Canada for a few years and my Aunt owned a goat farm...

Just call me Heidi...

[Joefuz]

OK Heidi.
I hate goats. That's all there is to it. Couldn't your aunt have had horses or something nice like that.
I don't hold the fact that one of my uncles horses stood on my foot when I was three against them, just to show I don't bare grudges (though I did get a nice horse shoe print through me runners).

[John F Kennedy]

I really do depair. I start a ordinary decent topic dedicated to orgasms,and then what happens? We start talking about farm animals. Are we all from Cavan or what? If we don't get some serious smut soon, I will request that the topic be closed, and we just put a link into the Farmers Journal.

[Joefuz]

Ah poor John.
Actually, that reminds me.
When I switched on me (new- well, new to me, some one else had it before me) computer this morning (as you do) I got a message saying that one of the 3 hard drives was screwed (I knew this already, and was just ignoring said drive) and that it would run AUTOCHK and AUTOFIX.
So, some time later I come back and the comp is ready, so I have a gander at this drive to see what's in it. And what do I find, but hard core porn. (Really!) So, what was the last owner of mt PC up to?

[gib]

Joe, no need to lie, we are all friends here.....we know the porn was yours......actually Eli, where you in Animal Farm????

[John F Kennedy]

Thats more like it! But I do take Eli's point about the naming of topics. I should have called it TechSupport or something.

[Joefuz]

Well, Gib, I now know exactly, in full frontal zoom in detail what certain women find to do with various pieces of fruit, household items and... other plastic things that buzz. (QUOTE "So that's where that electric tooth brush got to!" UNQUOTE).
All this right after breakfast. What a way to start the day.

[Elimare]

You sure you ain't my ex Gib? That was his favourite movie and he never tired of telling me about the bit with the horse...

[Pete]

Well just to spoil all the fun tha everyone's having talking about rearing farm animals, Eli's current (soon to be former) job is in localisation. Why are you leaving that field Eli? There's lots of money and opportunity in it. My older sister is GM of a mutli-national localisation company in Dublin and she loves her job (well I think she does!)

What place do you work at? You can encode your answer using the simple Caesar Cypher

[Joefuz]

That was a Disney production, was it not?
Four wheels good, two wheels bad.
Hang on, that was the arguement that sprung up against motorbikes the other night. Never mind.

[gib]

Naah Eli, I dont think Im your ex, I think I would have remembered.....unless, of course, you were really crap!....eh, nothing like slagging people you dont know eh....(only joking of course Eli.....!) Here actually Eli, whats the story with "Hynes'", ie, where the f**k has it gone...???!!!!

[John F Kennedy]

Hynes Pub?

[Elimare]

I'm not leaving it Pete... Just that my contract here is up, so I'll be looking for a new one. Spent the last 6 years in permanent employ with a couple of different localisation companies and decided that 80-hour weeks with no thanks was quite enough thank-you. So now if they want my sevices after 5 o'clock they can bloody well pay fer 'em.

[Joefuz]

So, Eli, would you be what they call (in hushed tones) a freelancer?

[Joefuz]

Oh, stapler, need one of them too. Got a box of staples, but no stapler. And a hole puncher as well. I just like to use them to macj it look like some one took a bit out of the page, thus losing the vitally important conclusion.

[Elimare]

Sorry Joey, the stationary cupboard is only open between 10:30 and 11 in here, so no go on the BIC's I'm afraid.

Finished up this friday John, and then I join the ranks of the great unwashed...

[Joefuz]

Ah well, it was worth a try. I prefer Staedler pens anyway.
So have you any plans Eli? Any jobs lined up? Sofa's to crash on? Or can I expect to find you sleeping under some newspapers somewhere on O'Connell street?

[Elimare]

No chance Joey,

I'm actually considering taking off until after christmas and then getting something in the new year, but there's too much available at the moment so I don't think I'll get as much time off as I'd like.

[Joefuz]

Your talents are in great demand then Eli?
What is it you actually do (appart from spend most of the day here with us dossers)?

[Elimare]

sit at my desk and look pretty of course!

[John F Kennedy]

Yes, but something that obviously comes so natural can't be a job http://www.p45.net/rant/NonCGI/wink.gif

[John F Kennedy]

I've re-read what I typed, and, is it me or is there a filthy comment lurking in there?

[Joefuz]

I could sit at me desk and look pretty too, but I just don't bother. I write pretty HTML code though, but no one can see it, as it's on our intranet site, and it isn't live yet.

[John F Kennedy]

Is that a euphemism for something rude? Or have I just got a one-track mind (and too much free time as established by Elimare yesterday, due to my job title)?

[This message has been edited by John F Kennedy (edited 27 October 1999).]

[Joefuz]

You've got a one track mind that is badly scratched and the needle keeps jumping.

[John F Kennedy]

Can I take anything for it (or is that just kleptomania?)

[John F Kennedy]

Excuse the pun, but does anybody think we have exhausted the Orgasm topic?

[Joefuz]

No, you can't take anything for it. You just have to live with it. the rest of us do.

So, do you want further talk about orgasms or what?

[Elimare]

Perhaps we should move on?

[John F Kennedy]

I think so, if for no other reason than to take the "Orgasms" bar from bottom of my screen. Although, I do not think the issues raised here are closed.

[Joefuz]

So someone start a new topic then!!!!

[constantine]

I think that it is grossly unfair to blame me for only having sex on my mind when topics like this seemed to have existed before i got here

[fig]

oh for fucks sakes constantine, everyone has sex. give it a rest. stop acting like your the only one who's gotten laid regular.

[hi]

Now there's a post I never thought I'd see from you.

[fig]

yes. I thought it might have been the case of the pot and kettle. But I like to think I post on the more interesting aspects of said topic. and in proportion to the total number of threads and posts, there are not a great percentage.

[hi]

I suspect the subtlety of the point will be lost on our prurient friend.

[constantine]

lads, just using this to illustrate a point. calm down. deep breaths

[magicbastarder]

oh for fucks sakes constantine, everyone has sex.
i have THREE sexes. i collect them.

[magicbastarder]

i call them billy, bob, and thornton.

[constantine]

ok.........

[dublin6th]

ok so the question was ... hhave any of us gusy faked and orgasm .. hell yeah... question is should we have to?

[Lelle]

excuse the extreme ignorance here, but just how would a man fake an orgasm? Tell her he's run out of his man seed?

[dublin6th]

its easy to fake when you've a condom on ... its not like she wants to inspect it before you rid of it?
i once faked the legendary "multipul male orgasm" ... she thought it was great! made for better sex in the future so it was worth the deceit.

[Flash]

excuse the extreme ignorance here, but just how would a man fake an orgasm? Tell her he's run out of his man seed?

I refer you to post 2 in this thread

Yeah, but it involved chucking a mixture of flour, water and salt all over her stomach and tits. I think she realised.

[fig]

wrt original thread - tell her its a tantric thing

[constantine]

its easy to fake when you've a condom on ... its not like she wants to inspect it before you rid of it?
i once faked the legendary "multipul male orgasm" ... she thought it was great! made for better sex in the future so it was worth the deceit.

did once. was after a double shift at work. nearly 16 hours working. up for 6.30 that mornin and wasn't (i know shock horror) really in the mood! She didn't believe me and was in a huff for two days