Kelly
17th January 2001, 08:35 PM
These are culled from the archives of RTE, the Irish State Broadcaster
Various quotes etc from down the years from RTE -
********************************************************************
'When I said they'd scored two goals, of course I meant
they'd scored one.'
RTE Commentator George Hamilton
********************************************
'That mail used to be handled by hand, now it's handled manually.'
Chief Executive of An Post, John Hines.
********************************************
'The referendum went as most people hoped it would'
Irish Times editorial displaying acute understanding of the
Democratic Process.
********************************************
'Clap your feet!' Bernie of the Nolan Sisters.
********************************************
'He's pulling him off. The Spanish manager is pulling his Captain
off!'.
George Hamilton as Butreguanio comes off against Ireland.
********************************************
'The idea is well and good in theory, but tell me this, who is
going to feed them?'
Wicklow Councillor objects to a proposal to boost tourism
by putting gondolas on Blessington Lake.
********************************************
'We are not prepared to stand idly by and be murdered in our beds'.
Rev. Ian Paisley.
********************************************
'If you're a fifty pence piece in a pile of ten pence pieces,
you have to shine so much brighter in order to be noticed.'
Bono.
********************************************
'What we are doing is in the interest of everybody, bar possibly
the consumer.'
Aer Lingus spokesman.
********************************************
'Deep down I'm a very shallow person.'
Charles Haughey.
********************************************
'I can hold a note and I know I'm not ugly so, in ways, that's
enough.'
Keith Duffy of Boyzone.
********************************************
Larry Gogan: 'With what town in Britain is Shakespeare
associated?'
Contestant: 'Hamlet'.
********************************************
Larry Gogan: 'Name the BBC's Grand Prix commentator? ....
I'll give you a hint. It's something you suck....'
Contestant: 'Oh, Dickie Davies'(Murray Walker is the correct
answer)
********************************************
Larry Gogan: 'What was Jeeve's occupation?
Contestant: 'He was a carpenter'.
********************************************
Job Application Form: Do you support the overthrow of the
Government by force, subversion or violence?
Applicant: Violence.
********************************************
Larry Gogan: (after a caller got none of 18 questions right on
the Just a Minute quiz) - 'Ah sure the questions didn't really
suit you did they?'
Caller: 'Ah go fuck off Larry you're only an old bollox'.
********************************************
Ian Dempsey: 'What would you give Andrew and Sarah as a wedding
present?'
Caller: 'I'd love to give Fergie AIDS and put a bomb up Andy's
hole'.
********************************************
Gerry Ryan: (during a discussion on whether people would like
to be buried or cremated when they die) - 'Would you like to be
buried or cremated?'
Caller: 'Oh, buried Gerry'.
Gerry Ryan: 'And where would you like to be buried?'
Caller: 'Up to me balls in Bibi Baskin!'
********************************************
Larry Gogan: 'What do you call a female cow?' ....
********************************************
'I'm always suspicious of games where you're the only ones that
play it'.
Jack Charlton on hurling.
********************************************
'Outside HIV in Grafton Street'
Gay Byrne plugging Hot House Flowers appearance.
********************************************
VIOLENCE DELAYS PEACE - LENIHAN Irish Times
MRS REAGAN BETTER AFTER FALL Irish Times
DOG SHOOTS MAN Evening Press
TEENAGE MUTANT BINGE AT THURLES Feile '92
RAPIST: I THOUGHT SHE WAS MY WIFE Star
MAN KEPT ARMS UNDER BED AFTER RELATIVE'S DEATH Irish Times
DEAD MAN INJURED IN CRASH Irish Times.
********************************************
'Mrs Windsor can come and go as she wants'.
Gerry Adams on a visit by the Queen to Northern Ireland.
********************************************
'I think the Irish woman was freed from slavery by bingo....
They can go out now, dressed up, with their handbags and have a
drink and play bingo. And they deserve it' John B. Keane.
********************************************
Jim Mitchell TD: You're always mixing me up with someone else.
Ceann Comhairle, Joe Brennan: Yes, I'm always confusing you
with that fellow Mitchell.
*******************************************
'Get married again'.
Charles Haughey to women asking for an increase in the
widows' pension.
********************************************
Various quotes etc from down the years from RTE -
********************************************************************
'When I said they'd scored two goals, of course I meant
they'd scored one.'
RTE Commentator George Hamilton
********************************************
'That mail used to be handled by hand, now it's handled manually.'
Chief Executive of An Post, John Hines.
********************************************
'The referendum went as most people hoped it would'
Irish Times editorial displaying acute understanding of the
Democratic Process.
********************************************
'Clap your feet!' Bernie of the Nolan Sisters.
********************************************
'He's pulling him off. The Spanish manager is pulling his Captain
off!'.
George Hamilton as Butreguanio comes off against Ireland.
********************************************
'The idea is well and good in theory, but tell me this, who is
going to feed them?'
Wicklow Councillor objects to a proposal to boost tourism
by putting gondolas on Blessington Lake.
********************************************
'We are not prepared to stand idly by and be murdered in our beds'.
Rev. Ian Paisley.
********************************************
'If you're a fifty pence piece in a pile of ten pence pieces,
you have to shine so much brighter in order to be noticed.'
Bono.
********************************************
'What we are doing is in the interest of everybody, bar possibly
the consumer.'
Aer Lingus spokesman.
********************************************
'Deep down I'm a very shallow person.'
Charles Haughey.
********************************************
'I can hold a note and I know I'm not ugly so, in ways, that's
enough.'
Keith Duffy of Boyzone.
********************************************
Larry Gogan: 'With what town in Britain is Shakespeare
associated?'
Contestant: 'Hamlet'.
********************************************
Larry Gogan: 'Name the BBC's Grand Prix commentator? ....
I'll give you a hint. It's something you suck....'
Contestant: 'Oh, Dickie Davies'(Murray Walker is the correct
answer)
********************************************
Larry Gogan: 'What was Jeeve's occupation?
Contestant: 'He was a carpenter'.
********************************************
Job Application Form: Do you support the overthrow of the
Government by force, subversion or violence?
Applicant: Violence.
********************************************
Larry Gogan: (after a caller got none of 18 questions right on
the Just a Minute quiz) - 'Ah sure the questions didn't really
suit you did they?'
Caller: 'Ah go fuck off Larry you're only an old bollox'.
********************************************
Ian Dempsey: 'What would you give Andrew and Sarah as a wedding
present?'
Caller: 'I'd love to give Fergie AIDS and put a bomb up Andy's
hole'.
********************************************
Gerry Ryan: (during a discussion on whether people would like
to be buried or cremated when they die) - 'Would you like to be
buried or cremated?'
Caller: 'Oh, buried Gerry'.
Gerry Ryan: 'And where would you like to be buried?'
Caller: 'Up to me balls in Bibi Baskin!'
********************************************
Larry Gogan: 'What do you call a female cow?' ....
********************************************
'I'm always suspicious of games where you're the only ones that
play it'.
Jack Charlton on hurling.
********************************************
'Outside HIV in Grafton Street'
Gay Byrne plugging Hot House Flowers appearance.
********************************************
VIOLENCE DELAYS PEACE - LENIHAN Irish Times
MRS REAGAN BETTER AFTER FALL Irish Times
DOG SHOOTS MAN Evening Press
TEENAGE MUTANT BINGE AT THURLES Feile '92
RAPIST: I THOUGHT SHE WAS MY WIFE Star
MAN KEPT ARMS UNDER BED AFTER RELATIVE'S DEATH Irish Times
DEAD MAN INJURED IN CRASH Irish Times.
********************************************
'Mrs Windsor can come and go as she wants'.
Gerry Adams on a visit by the Queen to Northern Ireland.
********************************************
'I think the Irish woman was freed from slavery by bingo....
They can go out now, dressed up, with their handbags and have a
drink and play bingo. And they deserve it' John B. Keane.
********************************************
Jim Mitchell TD: You're always mixing me up with someone else.
Ceann Comhairle, Joe Brennan: Yes, I'm always confusing you
with that fellow Mitchell.
*******************************************
'Get married again'.
Charles Haughey to women asking for an increase in the
widows' pension.
********************************************